Darkness of the life...

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Dear readers; this is the real life story.

When I was in age like 16 plus where the age modern generation used to start love life, but even at that time my thinking wasn’t like that, I couldn’t recognized it. But now I realized it. I was bit shy to talk girls. Because starting from my childhood was like that, even I get shy to walk with my own sisters.

My life was like these during my teenage years, but during the 9^th grade I met the girl who I can admire. I don’t know how to explain the feeling it was different. Every morning I walk from my door expecting that I would tell her at least Hi! But it was the most difficult thing faced in those days. I was failed by doing that. What happen was every time when I try to talk her I get feels cold in my whole body and I could not be able to out any word. I don’t have what they call “gut” feelings.

My friend and I went to the interval time to get some drink to the same shop nearby school where we use to go every day. My intention was to see her not to have a drink. She always smiles me when I was looking so I turn my face every time she smiles me. My friend gave me an idea to start talking to her. He said, ask her to get some “supari” I did as he said and in return I got really what I am expecting. She didn’t say anything but her face was rude and someone who has talking fear like me never would talk girl any more. My friend was laughing at me. There after I promised myself I would not try anymore. I thought it was the end scene of my first crush, the day after I went to the different place in the interval time. I don’t want to see her anymore it echo’s like my heart telling me inside in deep, but in different luckily she came after me and she told sorry to me after one day and she introduced herself plus her friend. We got introduced in there.

After that she didn’t see me for few days. One day I have waited till she comes after the class. I told her I am waiting for her, she just gave me a smile and she took one step behind and turned another side. Look likes she was looking for someone. After a few movements, she started to move on the other side of the road. It’s like she found what she was looking for, she started to talk one guy standing there and she ask him to come walk with her to the home.

Her friend also with them, I was confused and stayed there for a while, her friend ask me to lets go; I started to walk with her. Even at that time I couldn’t realized that he was her boy friend. They were walking in front of us to the home. He left her when he reaches to his apartment. She started to talk me after he left. In that day I have ask her for contact. But she wasn’t given.

On the other day as usual I went to the school, but after the session, when I was in the balcony looking at her, one guy came and told me, do you know her showing me her over there. I said not really, but again he repeated and said to me faroo is her boy friend. Don’t even look at her. I haven’t asked him about that guy. But I was able to know he was telling about the guy who talk her yesterday in outside.

I just tried to ignored her, But she wasn’t let me do that, She tries to talk me, it’s like she wanted to tell me something, share me something. But I am not in the mood to think about what she needs? Because I was angry for the things happened with me. It’s like I was hated myself and blamed myself on that moment.

The following year I have changed my School. Thinking that I could finish my studies earlier, but things started to change in an amazing way. Zeenath used to talk me very often. She is the first one in class started to talk me in my new school. She do ask me about subject matter’s only not any personal. One month later, one day she just asking about my personal life, do you love anyone? I said no. it was during in the economics period. Mr.kumar is our class teacher and he is the economics teacher as well, he sent me out from the class. Because he suspected me talking to her, fortunately Dhivehi lecture is not came on that day. So we got the time to talk about it again. And she asks me again do you know her.? Stating her name, I surprisingly asked her, how you know her? She explained me how she knows and how she started to know about me. zeenath was her best friend.

She was still thinking that I left the previous school because she is studying there. Kind of questions she was raising. I just refused for that and I told her that I just changed because I did not pass my English paper. But Zee didn’t believe me like her.

We pass our massages through zee, One day zee told me, she is going after the exam to her island and if I want sees her the day after night can visit her place, she will be waiting. I went her home around 8 o’clock and stayed till 11.30. Before that I had known that, there’s no more relation between her boy friend. She talked me lot about her personal life. I haven’t told her even once that I like her. But when she left from male’ she gave me phone number and said in that number may be can contact. And she does not know whether she could come again or not.

I started my first job after my exam without taking any rest. Because my family is also wanted me to do that, my family was under kind of financial stress. They owed a lot of money to the bank, which they could not be able to recover and for that the banker was after my brother. Because he was the one who is responsible for it. I put all my salary to the bank except keeping for the few money to buy important things.

This is the situation where I was in, and no one I told about this. I tried to call her several times in the office phone but couldn’t reached, one fine day I called on that number and somebody pick a phone, as she ask me to do I told her name to the one who took a phone, in reply answered, that small baby. Suddenly I kept a phone and I was confused is she a baby. I myself laughed whenever I remember about that phone call.

After many days she came back to male' to do nursing course. This is held at Maldives College of higher education. Through Zee I knew she came to male'. She gave me the address where she stays. I started to talk her very often. One night I went with her to the dinner and She was asking me why I am caring her that much. In that night I proposed her. But she told I am too late. The way she talked felt I was wrong and she blamed me too. She said she loves me too, and she gave me a enough time. she felt cry, and she continued and said she lives the way as her parent showed. Again she said now she can’t leave her boyfriend without any reason. I ask her that when do you gave me time? But she did not mention anything. The only thing she said was she is a girl she can’t tell and I must understand that. That is how she explained me; all night she tried to convinced me that I could get much better one than her. Did she really gave the time?

I tried to live as I lived, the same hopeless life. Why to worry. But I just tried to start my career. Even when I was working I tried several times but it isn’t work the way as I wanted. I had saved few for the education purpose. I wanted always be an architecture. Therefore I applied Maldives College of higher education though I did not qualify for the entry criteria in architecture and also I applied accounting course. Because I don’t want loose the opportunity. At last I got to be an accountant

Me and one of my office friend always discus about the life, and I used to tell him we can’t live like this. We spend time together even non office hours. One day I went during my office hours with him, to his brother’s small shop nearby Ahmadhiyaa. I saw one girl in there. I did not say anything at that time. But when I met her at first time it’s like In my heart, I have given her a specialty. I do not know why....?I used to go often where I met her first time. I have tried to be her friend. She accepted me as her friend. I was happy because she started to share things to me, it’s a small Shop. I even go there for no reason. Just to see her innocent face. One day when I was with her in the shop, a guy came there and started to talk her. it seems like someone who really knows her very well. First I thought he might be her brother. With a question mark on my head, I left from there. At night I called her to ask about that. She took a phone just on first rang, and she told me that, she don’t want anything to happen their relation and he is her boy friend. Because of me they had some problem. After a call I promised myself I won’t let her get pain, so I stopped talking to her, After all I knew that she has a boy friend. Unlike before I did not see her that often. Because I also don’t want see her face.

Few months Later........

I met her nearby Dhanalu, At the time I do smoke little, I was in outside Dhanaalu to smoke. Cause staying all alone and don't know why I have started to smoke. She came from aasharaa, I saw her in distance, and I have pretended to her that I was smoking. I don't know whether she noticed me or not. She just asks me how and she started to walk home, but I called her and I showed that I just want to shake her hand. I put the cigar on other hand I drive my right hand over to hold her Hand. She kept my hand I pulled her on my side; I forgot to mention she has the cute smile. She smiled me. She was hurry to go home. While starting to walk she said she will call me, and she asks me my phone number. During those days I have changed my number twice. I gave her my number..... Her home is nearby that, just few minutes later she gave me miss call. I called her and she asks me is that my number, I said yes it's my number. She said can't be. Because she used to talk to me, often I got surprised and I said what? , and she continued, now no one would say anything. She can talk to anyone she said. I surprisingly ask why what happen. And she replied now they are not in a relation that they had before. She also said that she would tell me but couldn't tell everything in a phone. it would cost me lot, as she said.

Thereafter we used to talk in a phone and also I used to go her home but not very often.

she was sharing with me a lot and we became very close, like we can't keep any secret between us. May be in my side I have done it. I guess she also has done it too.

I used to tell her very often that I like her and also I love her. But she may think I am not that serious. But that's how my attitudes are..... And she kept saying I am too serious. Hah! Well, has to be serious right.....? Whenever I start talking about that, she does say like that, and I have to show that if I want continue our relation I am not that serious. So I did like that. I gave her everything in my life. If she said anything, I would have been done that before doing anything else.

I do not know why she dislike me and she started to ignore me after her B' day. I proposed her in her B' day in the year 2005 and she rejected me. And she said she wanted to be a friend. Only she can talk to me as a friend. I never said anything when she said that, but I asked her don't stay without talking to me it would really hurt me. Yes that night was worst night in my life. I wasn't done anything wrong. I knew even in that time she was running in a case of her X-boy friend. He does disturb her more than anyone could and he treated her not a man ever could do that dirty way. Dear friends I can't disclose here what he has done. I am very sorry for that.

If I ever had done a mistake that would be, I proposed her during those days. But I was trying to make everything ok, instead everything became opposite. Even now I have to feel the pain due to the mistake that I have done. We agree it to be as it is. Whenever she started to talk against me I used keep telling her "let it be".

In 2006, she saw me while I was smoking. And I told her how it has happened. When she knows about that I almost stopped smoking. Only one thing I did hide her that was this.

In the year 2006 she got a job in a private company, And she told me about the job. also she made me to recall some sweet moment we had together. For me it’s sweet, I don’t know what she feel. Still don't know what's wrong in me that she started to dislike me.

I still want ask from her why?

I know she won’t say anything, rather she would prefer to stay silent, and she would probably say let it be!!